Only one day before July is finished once again. I'm amazed at how quickly the year is passing by, but I'm glad Summer is getting on with itself. The heat, humidity & storms have been much to bear this year. Autumn is quickly approaching and that excites me so! Makes me a little sad as well - Summer, for me, seems endless while Autumn passes by in a flash!
July 21st was a day I dreaded deeply, but glad we all got through unscathed (or so it seems). In the morning, we spread Dad's ashes where we spread my mother.in.law's 2005 then headed to his old firehouse where the fire company & family honored him. When asked to speak, the only thing I managed through my choking tears was that I love him. It was such a long day. When we walked through our front door, I was so glad to be home. That night was the first night I slept through in Months.
What I wanted to say, but knew I probably wouldn't be able to was: As much as I have loved him, I will miss him.
And I do.
I stopped writing the day we lost Dad, as if a switch has been flipped to "off." I tried writing my gardening memoir column for The #gardenchat Blog the Saturday after Independence Day about the peaches ripening at our Skylands home, but I couldn't get past the same two paragraphs all day & finally gave up that evening. I'm not all that surprised. It's part of what happens to me when I go through something deeply upsetting or traumatic. I've started journaling again recently, now making the effort to do so daily, to help break through the dreaded wall of writers block as well as everything else going on.
During times like this in my writing I turn to my sure to inspire sources: The audio book of Julia Cameron's Walking In The World, any of the three versions of Katherine Stockett's The Help (audio book, novel or movie) and the movie versions of Little Women, which has, of course, sparked my annual Summer delving into all things Louisa May Alcott. (This also happens in the Winter, beginning around Christmastime, the other time of year when I seem to hibernate indoors much of the time due to weather & health).
I've often spoke of how Louisa's Jo March inspired me to write (when I was 11 years old, the age I discovered Little Women) and she still does! I adore the world Louisa May created with Little Women. It deeply resonates with me for reasons I'm still unsure of.
I've started reading The Lost Summer Of Louisa May Alcott by Kelly O'Connor McNees. I tried it once before and didn't get far. This time it's moving along.
Speaking of moving along: Mother has her hernia surgery this Thursday. It's supposed to be a simple procedure with a quick recovery. Let's hope that's the case. It's up to her what happens. I'm not holding my breath if that gives you any clue as to my expectations given her attitude of late.
One more hurtle in a year of many to conquer.
More to come...
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