Morning

Still not feeling 'up to par' but making the effort to get outside regardless. Yesterday (as you know from my photo's in the prev. post) I sat on the front porch for breakfast. (Wasnt un-interrupted though, but Mondays here at the apartment complex are usually hectic). It's warmer this morning & not much of a breeze out front so I decided to switch to the back yard where it's shady and pleasantly breezy.

The wind chimes are tinkling and a mourning dove is cooing. Even with the street & highway traffic noise, I could fall asleep out here! I'm sure Ceasar wouldn't mind at all. He loves being out here, keeping me company, exploring & mole hunting and chasing bugs. He hates being brought back inside and isn't shy about vocalizing his discontent!

I'm just so tired lately and headachey. My hands & arms hurt so much they kept waking me up last night. I was hoping my 2 plus weeks of feeling crappy were weather related but now with our weather having been sunny for 4 days in a row now I'm not so sure. Maybe I'm fighting off a sinus infection. (The idea that I may be becoming immune to my iv med has crossed my mind since I'm feeling much like I was before I started the iv's but I keep pushing that thought out of my mind as quickly as it comes in. Yes, it's a possibility but one I refuse to concede to just yet).

Yesterday I got that giddy, excited hyper feeling - ya know the one you get when you feel like you're on the verge of something? Well, I also get that when I'm getting sick so it's a toss-up as to the reason for it! (lol)

Well, I'm going to get back to reading the new issue of Where Women Create (magazine - http://wherewomencreate.com ) and then see what I'm up to doing. We're making a trip to Walmart this evening and bringing Mom. (Should be interesting!) We need to pick up some necessities for our first weekend up at the lake for July 4th weekend.

My Weekend in Photo's - Let's Try This Again!

1) Water flooded the patio & came into the kitchen during a nasty storm Fri evening
2) Kitties didn't like the nasty storm
3) Sky after the storm
4) Sky & rainbow after the storm
5) View from dock where we had dinner Sat evening
6) Same as #5
7) Pretty Sunday evening sky
8) 1st red raspberry of the season
9) More raspberries
10) Sunny sky this morning, 3rd sunny day in a row
11) Breakfast on the front porch this morning

My Weekend in Photo's

For My Gardening Gals on GoodReads

This is that restuarant's garden I told y'all about. Not the best pic but next time we're going, I'll make sure to get a better one!

Around the house and In the garden, photo's

Not Exactly Music To My Ears and Acceptance

Went to my 'every 6 weeks' follow-up doctor's appointment with my Rheumologist yesterday morning. Apparently my heart palpitations/racing (not often, though enough to be noticeable), vision issues (blurriness and discomfort) and muscle cramps (too often & not dehydration) are "disease progression." Not exactly music to my ears I can tell you that much.

We discussed my pain & swelling levels (back on the rise through the last 2 iv treatments) and agreed that my iv med should be increased from 400mg every 8 weeks to 500mg every 8 weeks. (This brings me closer to the area of 800mg, which Dr. A feels would be the max dose for me, and the fact that I'm getting closer to that mark scares me).

One good thing to note, my blood pressure was "normal" for (at least) the 3rd follow-up in row and without meds, so at least that's one less thing for me to worry about (though it's like a needle in a hay stack really).

I'm always on the verge of tears after a follow-up like this, for most of the rest of the day until I get used to the idea so to speak. Makes me think and gives me pause. And scares me to my core. I was thinking last night about how I need to accomplish as much as I can so if we have children and anything happens to me, Vic can tell them I kept trying no matter what I faced. Then I started questioning, again, having children.

I also got very annoyed, no ANGRY, that when I shared all of the above, it was met with nothing. No supportive words, of love or encouragement. No (((hugs))), real or otherwise. Not even the sound of crickets. Made me question why I don't start treating people the same way. But, that would make me an asshole, something I am not.

Moving on: I wanted to share part of a comment I left for a fellow blogger earlier this morning: "Weight has been an issue and struggle in my life, during my youth and for the last 4 years, within a year of being seriously injured at work and an extremely complicated recovery. It's taken me a year and a half to lose 25 lbs of the weight I gained and while I've hit another proverbial wall, I'm not giving up. I don't want to be the weight I was before I gained, (at my age now, I'd look ill) though I am aiming to weigh at least 25lbs less than I do now.

My overall goal is to be healthy, as healthy as I can possibly be, regardless of size. I have a disease called Psoriatic Arthritis which complicates this goal and it's progressing, but I cannot afford to give up. (Please remind me of this if need be, lol!) Losing that 25lbs brought my blood pressure back down to normal and without meds! I can't diet, per say, because of my health, nor can I exercise consistently, but, I watch what I eat (especially watch for sodium and high fructose corn syrup), get moving when I'm able and take vitamins. (I am a firm believer in the power of Vitamin D, among others).

I think the best thing peeps can do for themselves is to aim to be healthy and accept whatever size we are when we're healthiest."

I believe this new outlook of mine is coming from acceptance. I changed my profile pic(s) to a current photo, taken while we were in PA last week. It's the only recent photo of me that doesn't make me cringe and I feel it's time to accept how I look now. (As you know, I've had a very difficult time with how my weight gain has changed my facial features).

Coming tomorrow: My Honest Scrap.

Gettysburg Photo's, plus misc - 3 albums (scroll down)

To see all of my online albums, go to http://picasaweb.google.com/GardeningJo

Gettysburg Loot

Gettysburg Loot

Thursday in Pics

Sorry this didn't come out so hot. I'll have to play with it in Picasa so you can read it. It gives the Civil War/Battle of Gettysburg background of the campground we stayed at.

Thursday in Pics

Our little cabin.

Thursday in Pics

Thursday in Pics

Thursday in Pics

Foggy foggy, rainy day in PA.

Our Last Night In Gettysburg

It's some time after 9:30p and it's been raining for over 2 hours, with thunder & lightning at times. It's looked threatening since 1:30p (when we went from 30% chance of storms to 60% with a flash flood watch) but thankfully held off. We were able to take a dip in the pool, have a miniature golf rematch (Vic beat me this time) and play some arcade games in the game room before heading back to the cabin to grill dinner. Alas, no fire this evening though. And no dusk drive through the battlefields on the main roads to see which memorials are lit up at night and to see if we could catch site or sound of anything remotely ghosty. But a rainy evening in the cabin isn't all bad... ;-)

It just goes too fast, any time we're lucky enough to get away (or have nothing to do at all).

And while I love where we live now, again I am reminded by being here in PA that I want to move and that I will be happy when we do. (I would LOVE to move to PA, but the job outlook isn't so good throughout the state which is why Tennessee seems to be edging its' way ahead. We'll have to see what Autumn or 2010 brings).

Would you believe, not 1 bookstore in this town?! (Plenty of Civil War books in the shops). Yes, even with Gettysburg College! Nor any knitting shops. Hhhhhmmmm... I see a need and no over-saturation in the town's market... (Idea's forming, brain mulling over them).

Wednesday in Pics

Boyd's Bear Country store & factory. (Definitely better via website than in person).

Wednesday in Pics

After taking this and walking past this head stone, I felt compelled to turn around, which I did and I walked back to it, placed my hand on top of it and said, "Thank you for all you did" then walked on to where Vic was. Not sure what to make of that.

Wednesday in Pics

Wednesday in Pics

Wednesday in Pics

Imagine living here, where such a bloody & violent battle took place... This isn't one of the residential homes throughout the Battlefields, but there are many, scattered and not close to one another. There are no street lights throughout, only the light from some of the monuments, passing cars & the far off homes and farms. Dawn and dusk are reportedly the active times, cannon & gun fire off in the distance, blurry images of Confederate and Union soldiers roaming the fields, shrowded in fog.

Wednesday in Pics

This tree was hit by lightning during yesterdays storms, there were pieces of bark all over on either side of the road. (The Rangers were busy clearing debris before the Park/Battlefield opened at 6am this morning, many trees & limbs down as well). Helicopters were flying over-head off & on throughtout the morning surveying storm damage.

Wednesday in Pics

This is how I start my mornings, after breakfast. If I'm sick or in a lot of pain (like this morning), there are more to take. I do this 4 times a day in order to take all of my meds & supplements each day (similiar amount of pills each time), on top of my 3 hour i.v. treatments at home every 8 weeks - and all of the other stuff I need to do every day to try & function as normal as possible. Some days it's really cumbersum and exhausting to live like this (today's one of those days) but it's part of the lot in life God has chosen for me so what else can I do but bear it? (Can't always grin & bear it).

Tuesday in Pics

Odd statue in Lincoln Square.

Tuesday in Pics

Tornado warnings (unconfirmed tornado in Lancaster 15 miles east of us this afternoon), severe storm warnings and severe storms passed thru Gettysburg and much of PA this afternoon. We could hear the thunder for an hour before they got to us and since we were at the Battlefield, it was eerie - sounded like cannons firing in the distance.

We were stuck at the bar we had lunch in for 3 1/2 hours because of the storms passing thru! Couldn't see to leave, there was hail, electricity kept going out - but we had a good time w/the bar maid & cook! (We were the only 2 customers in there). We were mistaken for Pennsylvanians! (Such a compliment in my book!)

Tuesday in Pics

Tuesday in Pics

Tuesday in Pics

See what I mean?! (See prev post)

Tuesday in Pics

Yes, we climbed it. Gorgeous view. Not worth the fear factor of those stairs!

Tuesday in Pics

Yup, got myself a big ol' floppy sun hat! And I like it! (Embracing the southern/gardening lady in me!)

Monday in Pics

Monday in Pics

Monday in Pics

Saturday in Pics - We've Crossed Over!

Into PA that is! As the moon was rising to our left (pictured above), the sun was setting to our right. Funny how merely crossing over the State line into Pennsylvania makes my entire being relax.

We're staying at the Hampton Inn & Suites at Valley Forge for this evening before making the rest of the trip to Gettysburg tomorrow. Because they only had suites left, we got $50 off the regular room rate - such nice little apartment style setup! Loving this for the time being.

Saturday in Pics - And We're Off!

Taken this evening after dinner in Frenchtown NJ, just steps away (literally) from PA across this bridge. (One of the few ways to get out of NJ without paying - fyi). I adore Frenchtown! Very quaint, colorful and beautiful scenery. (If you have the chance to stop by Grassamo's (I'm spelling that incorrectly I know it) on Bridge Street, you won't be disappointed! Excellent Italian food.

Saturday in Pics

Of course it's time to go away & my rose bush (purchased last year) is beginning to bloom! First bud opened fully this morning.

By This Time Tomorrow...

We'll probably be in a motel room for the evening having left in the afternoon to start making our way down (and over) to Gettysburg. We may stop in Philly to take Nephew out for a late lunch or dinner. We may not. (Depends on his schedule).

I'm not as far along with packing & tidying up as I would've liked to be (I hate coming home from vacation to a messy home) but with Vic's help we'll catch up tomorrow morning. With the wind-swept pouring rain I was unable to re-pot 9 things in the garden (2 in Mom's) today so I have to do that before we leave tomorrow as well or they may die while we're away. My rose bush from last year is just starting to bloom (of course!) so I took a few pics this evening. I hate leaving the garden as much as I hate leaving the kitties! (I never claimed to be normal, lol!)

Mom's going to look in on them. Her first time doing so. (This should prove interesting). I have the urge to lock down the file cabinet & our bedroom - I KNOW she's going to snoop! Every time she's in the bathroom something gets knocked over or onto the floor - I keep telling her she has to learn to snoop more quietly. (Seriously. I mean, come ON, I'm right outside the bathroom in the living room!) I should booby-trap my journals just in case. Better yet, I'm hiding them under the bed. (Can you tell there's a history there with me, journals & my Mom?)

The closer we get to leaving, the moodier she gets. Happens every time. (Insert me sighing, shaking head & rolling eyes here).

I'm still sad that the NY Book Festival was canceled for tomorrow and won't be meeting up with Meg, Teri & Beth :( but I'm really getting excited for Gettysburg (and just being back in PA in general - it does my soul good). I love going to places which truly appreciate and embrace their history, both good & bad. Like with MA this past October, I'm wondering what I will feel and experience in Gettysburg.

I'll post some 'from the road' with pics, (perhaps Tweet now & again) saving the majority for when we return. (My first opportunity to use my new camera, a Nikon Coolpix L100, 10 mega pixels, 15x zoom ~ it's been YEARS since I had a real camera and my last one used film!)

Have a fab weekend & upcoming week!

Remembering

My Mother-in-law Betty (pictured above) passed away 5 years ago today. This photo was taken the night before we left FL on May 16, 2004 (also the anniversary of my Nana's passing) after we had a symbolic wedding ceremony for Vic's parents. (There were a lot of siblings, inlaws and nieces & nephews there too). Betty decided to stop her chemo and radiation treatments just weeks before so we flew down as soon as we could, along with one of our Nephew's and a Brother-in-law.

We were married (legally) here in NJ on May 25, 2004 (I wanted Betty to know what we'd done in FL wasn't just for show and that I truly love her son & I knew she didn't have much more time) and while away on our "mini-moon" (instead of honey moon, as I call it) up at the family cabin in the Endless Mountains (PA) a message finally got through from one of his brothers that she had passed away. Vic had been somewhat annoyed, even embarrassed that I'd "rushed" our wedding (more on that another time) but after he got that message, as I held him, he said, "I'm glad we got married when we did or I'd be all alone now." I'm not sure why he felt that way, but it only reinforced my feelings our wedding.

Yes, our 4th wedding anniversary passed by on May 25th and I didn't make much note of it here. Not that it isn't a very special day (though we did both forget to buy one another cards or a gift, lol) but it was on Memorial Day this year and I just felt that fact reminded me that we are all part of a bigger picture and there were others well worth celebrating on that day this year. We will have many other anniversaries and plenty of time to make the day just about us.

(And yes, it's rare to get a pic of Vic actually smiling ~ it's a Marine thing).

For trosekay

"I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit."
— Dawna Markova (I Will Not Die an Unlived Life: Reclaiming Purpose and Passion)

Another 'Too Cute' Photo

Ceasar: "Please mum, I've been good today and I ask that you permit me to step outside of this door into the wonderful backyard where there are lots of bugs to chase, grass to eat & sunshine to lay about it in . I promise not to chase bees though (if I can remember) nor stalk the birds by the feeder (if I can help myself)."

Weekend in Photo's

1~ George Strait concert Friday evening, went with our friends whose little boy passed away last July. Great concert and so good seeing them.
2~ Last of the 1st Mardi Gras rose blooms for now.
3~ 1st Annual Car Show down town on Saturday morning.
4~ We were very tired Saturday and after doing some errands, ended up relaxing in bed for the afternoon & Ceasar kitty joined us for a good portion of the time.
5~ Sunday was humid, hence a bad hair day (which turned good because my braids came out alright), hence the "Wednesday Sister's" hat! (Not the best pic, lol).
6~ New addition for the garden: A yellow Early Sunrise Coreopsis and purple East Friesland Salvia. (I couldn't resist!)
7~ 1st coat of 'redwood' stain on the fence.
8~ Hubby, just because!
**Just FYI: For the music to play on here (at least for me), you have to scroll down just past my Moon Phases widget on the left and let the player load & the music start, then you can head any place on here ya like! (It's 1 George Strait song followed by nature sounds).