Some Thoughts

Thursday, July 31, 2008 9:03:04 AM

Started Yesterday, 7/30/08
My mind is so full lately! (Writing wise and other wise!)

Last Wednesday, I wrote about how a NY Times article led me to wonder what I’m trying to capture in all the photo’s I take of my flower’s and veggies! The article was about journalist/author/critic Janet Malcolm, who’s book “Burdock” comes out tomorrow, which is a new venture for her. The book is comprised of 28 photo’s of 28 different Burdock tree leaves and a 2 page essay introduction. Her editor, Ilene Smith, says they (the leaves) are Janet’s “ultimate biographical subject” and “are also at some level deeply autobiographical.” (Link to article: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/20/arts/design/20shat.html?scp=2&sq=Janet%20Malcolm&st=cse )

Later the same day, I also wrote about how I worry about my potted treasures (flowers & veggies) when I know there are nasty storms coming! (Silly, I know!) I recalled how I’ve been known to wildly run outside in the middle of a raging thunderstorm (even at night!) to “rescue” any new arrivals not yet planted in their permanent homes by putting them under the patio table out back, screeching in terror with every lightning flash and crash of thunder!!! I vividly remember doing just this one time during the summer of 2006, but what I have no recollection of, whatsoever, is if I had any clothes on besides flip flops!!! (Guess it’s a good thing it was well after dark that time and I only went out back instead of out front into the complex courtyard!)

This past Friday evening once we were home, I started writing about little T’s wake (Thursday evening) but I couldn’t continue into Friday’s funeral & burial services and gathering afterwards. (I will, just not yet). Too sad.

This past Saturday morning, as I sat waiting in the truck at the junkyard for Hubby to see if they had tires for the pickup, I thought of how all I have and have really ever had are “What If’s?” and as truly horrible as our friends' losing little T is for them, what they have are memories and wouldn’t it be sad (aka pathetic) if all I ever allow myself to have are the “What if’s?” instead of memories?!

At first, I believed these thoughts only had to do with children. (I’ve been TERRIFIED on many levels to try again, for fear of my history repeating itself. (Not to mention that I don’t want to put my kids through what my Mother has put me through, what my Nana (supposedly) put her through and what my Great Grandmother put my Nana through!) But, I’m in a completely different place in life now than I was when I was pregnant with Brianna – I’m married to a wonderful, loving, supportive (pain in the ass Marine!) man and I’m healthier too. It’s not like I’ve already thrown my birth control pills into the trash! I’ve got to continue losing weight, at least another 28lbs AND make sure I do everything I possibly can to be as humanly healthy for me as I can be BEFORE I finally go off the birth control so that I/we can do everything possible to hopefully prevent my history repeating itself!)

But, as I was reading author Jennifer Chiaverini’s introduction to her Elm Creek Quilts series pattern book in which she details much of her initials writing struggles (SO similar to mine now!), I realized that this new way of looking at things goes beyond children! (Yes, I know, DUH!)

One of the articles that caught my interest in this past Sunday’s NY Times (7/27) was about a recent BlogHer convention in San Francisco. (Link to Article: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/27/fashion/27blogher.html?_r=1&oref=slogin ) I THOUGHT this would be an interesting article! Unfortunately, I was wrong. I thought, for a moment, as I read it that the author of the article was a man since it (especially the opening) made all women bloggers appear to be needy, weepy, over zealous, freebie grubbing mother’s! (As in mom’s, women with children, not as in the curse words!) But, this article is in fact written by a woman. Did she ever miss the mark on this topic! A topic with such great potential!!!

The women in the article complain that they (and women as a whole) aren’t taken as seriously as male bloggers, which, for the most part, I think is true! Unfortunately (again!) this article will do nothing to change this! Seriously, the article starts off with how the men’s restrooms at the convention hotel were turned into “women’s” rest rooms and “the stalls were lined with” inspirational phrases “like ‘You’re Perfect!’” “…Women were being dusted with blush and eyes shadow.” There was a “LACTATION” area, day care and “Onesies for sale!”

Are you freakin’ kidding me?!?!

Women’s business and politicial blogs are mentioned briefly, almost in passing, and I don’t remember references to specific blogs by Single Women, Married Women w/out children or Older Women! 1 blog is mentioned as being about living with Type 1 Diabetes.

Curiously, this isn’t an article where you can post comments in reaction! (Figures!)

I don’t think that the Women who attended this convention represent Women bloggers as a whole, unfortunately because of this article, that is probably going to be the overall perception! My GoodReads friend Tera was also aggrivated by this article (another member of the Chicks On Lit group started a thread about it) and said that one way for Women bloggers to be taken seriously is for women to take themselves (ourselves) and their blogging seriously! Great point, I thought! So, I made a few subtle changes to my blog (taking off the music, my Yahoo Avitar and the “I love my online friends” banner).

Then I created an account/profile with BlogHer.com and requested that my blog be “listed” with them because I feel I am different than those featured in the article and the focus should be on women bloggers as a whole, not just specific types. I was contacted last night via email and advised that my blog had been reviewed & it qualified for their BlogRoll, so it was published in their listing! (There is variety on BlogHer though I was disturbed to see a featured blog post title of “Does Your Daughter Breastfeed Her Dolls?”) I’m not sure what being in this list will do for me/my blog, but I was happy about it nonetheless!

I don't think I posted this previously!

The Knitting Circle: A Novel by Ann Hood

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
I tend to shy away from books w/this type of subject matter (losing children) but for some reason, when I accidentally came across this book in a 'knitting' search at the library, I didn't shy away from it and I'm glad. Like the author Ann Hood, I too lost my daughter, though under very different circumstances and before Brianna was born. Ann's daughter Grace died suddenly at the too young age of 5.



I had a very difficult time getting into the book though. I wasn't feeling any connection w/the writing. I wasn't feeling anything. Perhaps my knowing that the main character had lost her daughter caused me to steel myself against connecting w/what I was reading so as not to get upset.



The end of Chapter 3 opened me up and I not only connected with Ann's writing, but was very emotional through the rest of the book! I was startled that this book included many incredibly painful issues, which may (or may not) make it difficult, even gut wrenching, for some to read. I expected the loss of young daughters, but there was also abortion, rape, a child's severe illness, divorce, depression, deaths from September 11th... Many other things I've also been through besides losing Brianna.



I'm not trying to discourage anyone from reading it! There are few books that I feel I am better for having read and this makes that list for me! I do believe I felt comforted at the end, knowing that some of the things I've done, said and felt are universal to these kinds of heartbreaks and in that I don't feel so isolated now.



Let me also say this: Do not let the fact that there is knitting in this novel keep you from reading it! It's worth the read whether you knit or not!



Since this is the GoodReads 'ChicksOnLit' group read for July 2008, I'll be re-reading this then and may post an update here when I'm done!


View all my reviews.

Simple Summer Pleasures!

The tomato's are from my garden, the cucumbers and zuccini are from my brother-in-laws. I chopped the ripe ones up for cucumber and tomato salad to go with dinner. (Just drizzle with olive oil mixed with red wine garlic vinegar and balsamic vinegar and seasoned with pepper). Tomorrow I'll use the left overs mixed with bagged salad greens to go with dinner. Very satisfying to cook with ingriedients that you, yourself have grown!

Lightning And Thunder And Hail, Oh My!

Our mini drought ended today with much violent gusto! Started with a thoroughly soaking storm about 5am this morning. After 10am, the sky started looking odd again & it was hard to breathe, humid and hot. By noon it was storming again, this time with hail! We were at the laundrymat when I took this pic. It stormed for about an hour. Once we left, before 2p, it was nasty hot and humid again, but as we made our way down the highway back home, we drove right into wind and dark clouds! Shortly after getting the laundry and grocceries into the house, all hell broke lose! We lost power for over an hour. 3 people got struck by lightning on Sandy Hook and 1 died, not 5 minutes from here! It stormed strait until after 5pm! Sirens streaking by in different directions throughout. The air is very cool and lovely now, so at least I have been able to open all the windows! Strange, the storms seemed to have brought the crickets to the front and back yards! Unrelated thought: I am worried about our friends.

A Happier Day, Part 1

From left to right- My sis in law Annie, our Grand Niece AnnaBella (her grand daughter), our Grand Niece Emily (also her grand daughter) and our Nephew George (her son and Emilys father). Yesterday was Emily's 1st Bday party and getting to see AnnaBella was a bonus since we didn't know our Niece Alicia (her mom) had come up from South Carolina!

A Happier Day, Part 2

These are the pretty little girly dresses I picked out for our Grand Niece Emily and her 1st Bday party yesterday! At 1 yr old (last month) she loves dresses and books! All the ladies present loved the dresses, including her mom, so I did good!

There Are No Words...

I still cannot wrap my mind around the fact that this beautiful little 8 yr old boy is gone! I cannot get the image of his grief riddled and stickened parents, our friends, out of my mind, especially his mother. I close my eyes and shake my head, as if the last 36+ hrs have been a devastating nightmare. These are good people, good parents! A good family! Good, normal, beautiful kids! Their daughter nearly died this winter when her strep infection went into her blood and lymph nodes! Now this?! Why?! How can this be justified? How can God justify this one?! I am sorry but there is no "Better Place" for a little boy than with his parents, siblings, family and friends. Last night was the wake, today was the funeral, burial svc and gathering afterwards. I am exhausted. And sad.

Calling Home by Janna McMahan

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
While I really liked this book, my beef with it was this...



I was hit with a sense of deja vu when Wil, the 18 year old son/star athlete/going to University on a scholoarship, suddenly died in an accident ~ it reminds me of another book or books that I've read and cannot remember at this time. While I wasn't expecting it to happen, it was a bit too cliche for me.



And the way he dies... I know this is a fiction book, but how he dies is a mythic/old wives tale that cannot possibly happen in real life! If you're fishing in waders and step off a ledge/shelf while in the water and the water goes over the top of your waders and down into them, you will not sink like concrete and drown! I wouldn't have minded so much if at the end the author made a note about it like I have here. (But, this is just me and my 2 cents!)


View all my reviews.

Oh I Love a Rainy Day!

"There's nothing quite like a muggy rain on a July morning." I wrote that this morning when I discovered it to be raining when I woke up! I love when it's cloudy and raining! The grass & trees desperately needed it since it hasn't rained since July 4th, I don't have to water my gardens today, I can open the window to let some fresh (albeit humid) air in and it's wonderful to listen to!

I sat at the table this am under the ceiling fan, eating breakfast and reading "The New Year's Quilt" by Jennifer Chaiverini with the patio door wide open, the rain providing a lulling backdrop. (Finished the book!) 2 cat birds and a lone squirrel have been hanging around, looking in, trying to use their Jedi Mind Tricks to get me to put out some cracked corn for them to eat! (And it worked!) Since I'm still battling fleas w/the kitties, I kept the corn far off to the right and left of the yard area, along the fence, where the kitties can still get an eye full from the patio doors but where the critters won't venture onto the patio.

Rainy days are also good for lighting candles! (Not that I need the excuse! I light candles year round!) I'm nearly down to the end of the apples & cinnimon candles I bought up in PA, but I had 'MacIntosh' Yankee tea lights, so I decided to try something: Before lighting them, I sprinkled one with "Allspice" powder and the other with "Cinnimon" powder from the spices cabinet. I lit them and placed them in 2 seperate area's so I can see which, if any, I like best! I hope it works & smells good!

I've got LOTS of cleaning to do today! I've got my IV tomorrow. I was supposed to have it 7/2, but had to cancel because I was horribly sick. (More on that later today when I post something I wrote this past Friday, 7/11).

I'm undeniably, purely happy at the moment! Why? I'm not exactly sure, but, I'll go with it for as long as it lasts!!!

Another PA Pic!

Took this with Hubbys phone while we were there last wk! Neat, huh?! (Yes, I sad NEAT!) Too bad I ran out of space on my cameras memory card by this point! What a beautiful pic this would be enlarged!

Garden Pics! Fresh Today!

Makes Me Smile

This is 1 of my favorite pics I took from this past weekend! It's now the background on our computer so I can see my beautiful PA mountain view anytime! It's not as good as the real thing, but it makes me smile, inside & out!

Speaking of things that make me smile, a little while ago I stepped out back to pick up the bottom of our lantern that fell off incase it rains & floods the patio (as usual) and as I took a look around, the lightning bugs started coming up out of the grass, blinking, taking flight for the evening! I've only seen this happen once before and I hope to again because it's just amazing and wonderful!

Really?

Who, exactly, thought it was a good idea to drink a bottle of radio-active crap to begin with?! Seriously! Who the hell thinks that's a good idea?! With all the advances in medical technology, why in God's name do people still have to do this?!

Thankfully, I don't have to since my bloodwork came back good!

Otherwise, tomorrow @ 12:45pm, I'd have to somehow get down a "thick" berry flavored barium for cat scans (w/contrast) of my pelvis (gall baldder) and abdomen (appendix) w/a friggin iv of iodine running through me! Just the thought of it this morning made me so queasy I could only drink a cup of tea for breakfast!

I haven't been on here much as of late, so I'll fill in about what lead up to this soon!

Long Wkend in PA! Pics!

Long Wkend in PA!

http://picasaweb.google.com/GardeningJo/LongWkendInPA

On Our Way Back To NJ

This is 1 of the last pics I took before we left the cabin this afternoon, the view from the kitchen. Sigh. I cried 4 the 1st time since this past Wednesday, on the porch, looking out at the mountains because I did not want to leave, not the cabin, not Pennsylvania. NJ is not home 4 me anymore. The grass is not greener in PA, but my soul is. My entire being has been at peace these past few days. Hubby promised we will go bk soon and if we cannot buy the cabin and sis-in-law sells it, we will find our own place that I will love just as much with views just as amazing.

Look What I Found!

Hubbys Marine Corps pic from when he was just 19 years old!

Our Little Bit Of Peace And Quiet

On our way out to the fireworks!

Happy 4th Of July 2008!

From the coziest place in our world!

God's Country!

It is SO beautiful up here in Susquehanna County, PA! My whole being is breathing a sigh of relief since getting up here last night, literally! You have no idea! I am so at peace here! No better place to celebrate the 4th of July!