Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
i added a new ghoul to the dec's outside yesterday! (the off white one to the left hanging on the brick!) isn't he great?! (i think so!)
and yesterday afternoon i began carving up the pumpkins we bought on sunday ~ i always do feel a bit guilty over it since they're like any other living thing in my garden ~ i added cinnamon spice to the inside of their tops! oh what delicious scents wafted from them after their candles were lit for a while! (got that tip from diy network's 'witch crafts' special!)
this guy here is out back on the patio! i also carved a bunch of mini pumpkins which i'll have to take pics of late since the ones i took last night didn't come out so hot!
same pumpkin duo as above just much later last night! hubby was worried that someone might come along and do something to them if i left them outside ~ i was one step ahead of him and already planned to bring them in for the night, which i did!
so much to do today! i've got to do i don't know how many loads of laundry to get ready to leave for punkin' chunkin' on thursday morning! plus i want to clean the house today so i don't have to waste any time on halloween doing it! (i decided yesterday i didn't want to come home from 4 days away and have to clean!) i also have to finish knitting my scarf and ear warmer before we leave thursday!
that's it for now! i'll check in later!
update! (2:08pm) well, in doing 6 loads of laundry thus far (i'll do the last few tomorrow morning!), the toilet has overflowed for no aparent reason (had to clean the floor anyway!) and I WASHED MY CELL PHONE IN THE WASHER! not only that, there's a national geographic episode going on in my garden right now with 2 dragon flies mating on my butterfly bush and one of the pumpkins i carved yesterday looks as though it's crying because clear jouice is welling up in its' eyes and spilling over!!! what a day!!!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
so yesterday i watched a couple of "scary" movies (the fog and halloween), wrote and generally lazed around. today i watched a really bad 70's "horror" movie on amc this morning then hooked up the lap top in the living room to type my "scary story" assignment for the writing group! in between down pours i also got the tenant's rent statements out.
now i've got to get dinner going (using the left over beef roast from yesterday to make stew today!) and i've got to get cracking on that scarf i started knitting the week before last!
update: i carved a turnip (i do pumpkins & turnips thank you very much! it's a celtic thing!) and tossed some of the inside pieces into my pot of beef soup (decided against stew!) and tossed the rest out back for the birds & squirrels!
halloween I is on amc again, it's chilly, leaves are blowing around all over the place and it's getting dark! FINALLY! it feels like halloween!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
ugh! here i am, supposed to be trying to write a scary story (for our little writer's group given the time of year!) and it's 74 degrees with 87% humidity! we had more fall like weather in august than we've had since the beginning of fall last month!
but, more so than anything right now, i'm panicking! panicking because i emailed hubby's resume this afternoon to a company in pennsylvania. and what sucks is that this spring i was ready to leave nj! and when hubby left agent orange for the wolf in sheeps clothing this may and told me that there wasn't even a reason to visit tennessee, i was so crushed to my very soul, i didn't think i'd get over it! to say the least, i haven't been happy with the thought of staying in nj, but i decided to accept it and be thankful for where i live and what i have instead of not appreciating it and being all "woe is me." hubby and i talked recently and he said we'd be here about another year.
he's mentioned this company in pa before. i know he's not happy where he is. he was supposed to have been hired for sales. instead he's unloading trucks in receiving. i'm not demeaning that kind of work. it's not what hubby wants to do, it's not what we were told he'd be doing and he's not happy doing it. given his sales record at agent orange, it's ridiculous that they'd waste him in receiving! they had talked with him about doing some overtime and maybe transferring to another department and even though it wasn't the sales dept., he was very open to it and agreed. today he found out they hired outside people for that very same department! hence the calls from him for me to email his resume.
i'm scared to death. terrified. i know i do this every time we talk of moving to pa or tn, and this could be such a reaction because i'm still sick with this head cold & bronchitis, but all these scary thoughts keep running through my mind! like, he'll have work, what will i have?! i'll be all alone! i won't have my mom & aunt judy, brenda, michelle or kathy. (i have gillian regardless thanks to email and blogging!) our phone bill will run a fortune! and i just found that writer's group that even after only 2 meetings i'm enjoying so much! yes, there's the internet and email and blogging... this may be an apartment but this is my home. i'm sorry to say it like that ~ my home and not our home. but it really is my home. and i have a back yard! a place to sit outside! i've never had either one!
oh, but some body was listening when i was talking to my mom on the phone the other day. murphy's law i suppose! i was telling her how hubby was looking into reeb millwork and where they were and how we said to one another that we keep saying "we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna" and we've just got to do it!
i've been trying to reason with myself about all of this. regardless of this unseasonably warm weather we're having, this is the slow time of year and anything that can be done now can't be counted on in case winter makes it's appearance ~ especially in pa! (where most of that state still actually has winter!) so maybe this wouldn't be something that would happen overnight. and would the property management company he works for right now have one of their pa properties open for a resident manager that we could transfer to? and if so are they to where this company is? and would i like living in eastern pa? (we originally planned on northern in the mountains area). i know the town the company is in has a river running though it...
that's always one of my first thoughts ~ will i be close to water?! i have been nearly all my life! heck, there's a creek that runs along the opposite side of the property from us!!! i need water, regardless of what form it comes in (though i do prefer bigger than the creek we've got here!)!
i'm also afraid that my bouts of depression will be worse when we move out of state. they're better now that we moved here, but still bad at times. what will happen to me if i'm in an area where i know no one and am truly alone?
Monday, October 15, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Monday, October 08, 2007
it aggitates me that this never or rarely gets mentioned because this month is also breast cancer awareness month!
both can save lives and therefore are equally important as far as i'm concerned!
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Written Tuesday, 9/25/07, 11:18am "My Mother never told me"
My Mother never told me… There wasn’t anything I couldn’t do, that writing is a good thing, that she doesn’t like me, if she had any hopes and dreams for me and not for her, that she’d like to be a grandmother, that I’m a good person or that she wanted me to go to college.
My Mother never told me… That I really was fat at times growing up, that I could be successful, that any of my right decisions were right, that it’s ok to be different and not blend in or that it’s ok to trust yourself.
My Mother never told me… That she resents the fact that I love and am committed to other people besides her, that she’d tell everyone I moved out when in fact she kicked me out, that she “didn’t mean it” when she kicked me out, that she’ll do anything she can to make me look bad in front of other people and make herself look good, that I was supposed to be her surrogate friend, companion and spouse for life or that trying to be a better daughter regardless of our past & present problems wouldn’t make a difference to her.
There’s so much more my Mother has never told me, more than she may even realize. But I still know.
Written today, 10/2/07, "Best Friends"
I’ve struggled with this prompt from the first day I sat down to have at it! (Tues., 9/25/07) I wasn’t digging the “what my best friends mean to me and who they are” approach, though I tried to go that route on 5 different starts. So I put this aside!
Even though I realized last night that best friends don’t have to be strictly human (more on that in a moment!), I’m still having trouble with this!
For me, what comforts and gives a sense of peace or love or support or joy can be a best friend! My journals and blog (the writing aspect, not so much the re-reading!), books I read, my gardens, my cats, sometimes music, favorite movies and tv shows, autumn weather and its’ amazing colors, candle light on a dim and chilly day, the moon shining in our windows at night… Many of these things have been around in times when I had no one, for whatever reasons, mine or theirs. And when I’m home alone & sick in one way or another and Hubby’s at work, these things are here for me still.
I do have what most would consider “real” best friends! Brenda, Matt, Gillian, Michelle and Kathy. Each are completely different from one another and have nothing in common besides me! We’re not a group that hangs out like in Sex and the City or Friends. But that’s ok because I love them all dearly and they are more important to me with every day that passes.
I’m not going for a cliché here, but Hubby is also one of my best friends and here’s why: When we were first together, I told him everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING! He didn’t judge me, belittle me or do anything else negative in response. And he didn’t walk away. I’ll admit that now he has a tendency to listen not so much and before I know it I’m listening to his opinions and he’s trying to “fix” what I’ve been telling him about, which is absolutely maddening and while I feel I shouldn’t have to preface certain things with “I just need to vent” (which a past therapist told me to do!) and feel I should just be able to talk, I know he’s still that same man who will love me regardless of what I tell him.
Monday, October 01, 2007
and what a perfect day for it too! cool & cloudy!
i've also got to get those tulip bulbs i bought out into the planters outside soon in case the weather turns and it gets cold! i'm not worried about the pesky, psychotic squirrels digging them up now since the planters are all full ~ it's when they've gone bare and just before blooming again that worries me! they not only burried peanuts in all of my planters last year in this, (my neighbor upstairs likes to leave peanuts in shells out on her deck for them), but they dug up (and ate!) a lot of my bulbs this spring!
well, lots to do today! got to get cracking!